I know there is some "holiday fatigue" that my tribespeople feel at this point in Tishrei. But my Shemini Atzeret feeling is bittersweet. I feel like my immediate family has just gotten into a rhythm of being together, and we really thrive as a unit.
I realized this past weekend that we would have to get used to regular schedules again, and it made me sad, and made me notice how well we had started getting along in holiday mode: Things that would ordinarily be annoying, are funny. We share stories and ideas with each other instead of with random friends or colleagues. We have time to finish reading books and playing games that we had procrastinated.
For me, honestly, the hard part is the start of the season, when we are suddenly faced with a lot of family down-time. No electronics, no going to work, very little in the way of chores at home. Instead, lots of time with kids home from school, walking to synagogue, eating meals together. That's a lot of togetherness! Usually, the five of us have our disparate schedules, lives, communities, which are somewhat cut off during these long stretches.
It takes about three major Jewish holidays for us to become our cohesive unit, and then, we're back to real life. Well, there's always 5774!
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Online Shopping Roundup (My Picks)
In the back-to-school frenzy that is my life, we've been ordering a lot of things for fall. We have had fabulous experiences with many companies (and none of these has any idea that I'm shilling for them! No conflicts of interest whatsoever, or any kickbacks):
Staples.com - the upsides are that the stuff comes almost immediately, we build up "rewards dollars" especially with a teacher account, and their selection is fantastic. The only con is that their stuff always has a weird smell when it arrives. I picture sweaty underpaid workers filling the boxes.
Landsend.com - I think we probably spend our highest portion of internet dollars here, and for good reason: Their selection and prices are unbeatable on clothes for both adults and children, along with occasional baby gifts and the like. When I combine email offers, mail coupons, Discovercard "ShopDiscover" and cash back, the deals can approach unbelievable. Their sartorial style has also become more modern just in time for my parallel style transformation, particularly with their hipper sister-site, "Lands' End Canvas". And, everything fits on the first try! Or, if it doesn't, they have a very generous return policy.
LLBean.com - this oldie-but-goodie is the go-to place because of their solid construction and unbeatable guarantee. They've now added free shipping for everyone, and we also have the correlated credit card, so we get free returns and monogramming as well. Like Lands' End, LLBean has developed a hipper sister-site, "LLBean Signature". By saving the LLBean coupon dollars from the credit card, and watching for deals, we can also get great prices here.
Freshpair.com - ok, everyone needs to buy underwear sometimes. There are about a million options on the internet, but this one has pleased me the most with its selection and customer service. I had a very bad experience with a competitor (HerRoom) and will not shop there again, when I have Freshpair available to me. Once I had some pantyhose that got a run on the first wearing, and Freshpair over-nighted me a new complimentary pair when I called them!
Athleta.com - I discovered this one recently, but they have the perfect return policy just like my usual standby sites (Landsend and LLBean). They also have maxi-dresses that are gorgeous and long enough for my somewhat Amazonian frame. I found them through Gap.com, which is an acceptable place for basics like T-shirts, but which has a much more limited return policy (along with the other sister-sites on the same page, like Old Navy).
Zappos.com - Who doesn't love Zappos? Their one-year return policy (new condition only, free shipping) is kind of good compared to a lot of internet retailers, though frankly not as great as my usual go-to sites. But the real reason to love Zappos is that their selection is unbeatable, including really detailed background information on the items. When I needed boots, I could read the exact shaft measurements, for example, and also search by a zillion different criteria.
Amazon.com - I have to stop drooling long enough to write that Amazon has really become the portal to internet shopping for me for everything except clothes, shoes, and school supplies - and sometimes, even for those things. I was particularly impressed when they stood up for me (refunded my money) when a sub-retailer on their site (Rymatt Wellness) acted completely horribly after an order went wrong. We can almost always qualify for free shipping, and I'm considering paying for the "Prime" membership as well. The real loser in this deal is our local Target, because why would I leave my dark isolated cave to go to the store if Amazon will deliver my Kleenex so quickly?
Naturalizer.com - If you go for a sale and find the special deals, this is a great place to get cute, comfortable shoes that don't break the bank. I will say, though, that their return policy is weak, and they try, but don't succeed, at having helpful customer service. The representatives are all incredibly sweet, but they don't always know detailed information about their shoes and boots.
JonesNewYork.com - I would have been a lot happier with JNY before this week, when I had an issue with a shirt that shrank after washing [according to label instructions]. JNY has really cute stuff, and reasonable prices, and so much career clothes that is washable. Or should I say, "washable". However, it seems that their return policy is even more draconian than I thought - and they have not made an exception to their "no washed returns ever" policy for me, even though there is no possible way that a person would know it shrank, without washing! This conflict is still on-going, so JNY gets a tentative pass as a reasonable place to shop. I do like their Rewards program, and their blended fabrics hold up well after laundering (the problem was with a 100% cotton knit).
I have wanted for a while to try using a few other sites, like Bloomingdales.com, Nordstrom.com, and Macys.com, because I understand that they have great return policies and good searchability as well. But, as great as Discovercard is :) they can't actually give me more money, so no more new stores for a while!
Staples.com - the upsides are that the stuff comes almost immediately, we build up "rewards dollars" especially with a teacher account, and their selection is fantastic. The only con is that their stuff always has a weird smell when it arrives. I picture sweaty underpaid workers filling the boxes.
Landsend.com - I think we probably spend our highest portion of internet dollars here, and for good reason: Their selection and prices are unbeatable on clothes for both adults and children, along with occasional baby gifts and the like. When I combine email offers, mail coupons, Discovercard "ShopDiscover" and cash back, the deals can approach unbelievable. Their sartorial style has also become more modern just in time for my parallel style transformation, particularly with their hipper sister-site, "Lands' End Canvas". And, everything fits on the first try! Or, if it doesn't, they have a very generous return policy.
LLBean.com - this oldie-but-goodie is the go-to place because of their solid construction and unbeatable guarantee. They've now added free shipping for everyone, and we also have the correlated credit card, so we get free returns and monogramming as well. Like Lands' End, LLBean has developed a hipper sister-site, "LLBean Signature". By saving the LLBean coupon dollars from the credit card, and watching for deals, we can also get great prices here.
Freshpair.com - ok, everyone needs to buy underwear sometimes. There are about a million options on the internet, but this one has pleased me the most with its selection and customer service. I had a very bad experience with a competitor (HerRoom) and will not shop there again, when I have Freshpair available to me. Once I had some pantyhose that got a run on the first wearing, and Freshpair over-nighted me a new complimentary pair when I called them!
Athleta.com - I discovered this one recently, but they have the perfect return policy just like my usual standby sites (Landsend and LLBean). They also have maxi-dresses that are gorgeous and long enough for my somewhat Amazonian frame. I found them through Gap.com, which is an acceptable place for basics like T-shirts, but which has a much more limited return policy (along with the other sister-sites on the same page, like Old Navy).
Zappos.com - Who doesn't love Zappos? Their one-year return policy (new condition only, free shipping) is kind of good compared to a lot of internet retailers, though frankly not as great as my usual go-to sites. But the real reason to love Zappos is that their selection is unbeatable, including really detailed background information on the items. When I needed boots, I could read the exact shaft measurements, for example, and also search by a zillion different criteria.
Amazon.com - I have to stop drooling long enough to write that Amazon has really become the portal to internet shopping for me for everything except clothes, shoes, and school supplies - and sometimes, even for those things. I was particularly impressed when they stood up for me (refunded my money) when a sub-retailer on their site (Rymatt Wellness) acted completely horribly after an order went wrong. We can almost always qualify for free shipping, and I'm considering paying for the "Prime" membership as well. The real loser in this deal is our local Target, because why would I leave my dark isolated cave to go to the store if Amazon will deliver my Kleenex so quickly?
Naturalizer.com - If you go for a sale and find the special deals, this is a great place to get cute, comfortable shoes that don't break the bank. I will say, though, that their return policy is weak, and they try, but don't succeed, at having helpful customer service. The representatives are all incredibly sweet, but they don't always know detailed information about their shoes and boots.
JonesNewYork.com - I would have been a lot happier with JNY before this week, when I had an issue with a shirt that shrank after washing [according to label instructions]. JNY has really cute stuff, and reasonable prices, and so much career clothes that is washable. Or should I say, "washable". However, it seems that their return policy is even more draconian than I thought - and they have not made an exception to their "no washed returns ever" policy for me, even though there is no possible way that a person would know it shrank, without washing! This conflict is still on-going, so JNY gets a tentative pass as a reasonable place to shop. I do like their Rewards program, and their blended fabrics hold up well after laundering (the problem was with a 100% cotton knit).
I have wanted for a while to try using a few other sites, like Bloomingdales.com, Nordstrom.com, and Macys.com, because I understand that they have great return policies and good searchability as well. But, as great as Discovercard is :) they can't actually give me more money, so no more new stores for a while!
Crazy Busy for School
To my loyal readers - this blog might have to be a "July Blog" because I just have been completely swamped with summer school teaching and getting ready for my classes this fall. However, don't worry: I have a couple of ideas in the pipeline that I will get to ASAP!
In the meantime, one update: Bank of America finally sent me the check they owed us, and they also sent an apology letter (!) including a $25 gift certificate for a restaurant. Since the restaurant isn't a place we ever go, I searched and discovered the cardpool.com website, which magically transformed it into $21.79 worth of amazon-bucks that we had no problem using.
In the meantime, one update: Bank of America finally sent me the check they owed us, and they also sent an apology letter (!) including a $25 gift certificate for a restaurant. Since the restaurant isn't a place we ever go, I searched and discovered the cardpool.com website, which magically transformed it into $21.79 worth of amazon-bucks that we had no problem using.
Friday, July 27, 2012
Culture of Patriarchal Oppression - episode 7/27/12
I was picking up the boys at camp yesterday and their very sweet counselor was doing dismissal. I know that she just got married last month, so I congratulated her.
me: Are you keeping your name?
sweet counselor: No.
me: Are you keeping your first name?
[laughter]
We started talking about this issue, and she gave me full permission to blog about it, I promise :).
Now, I changed my name when we got married back in 1994, and so did most of my female friends. We took our new husbands' last names, and it seemed both romantic and reasonable to do so. It was our "choice". Of course, choice constrained by the CPO is hardly free choice. When every school, office, telephone book, etc. expects a family unit to share a last name, it becomes a subversive choice to resist. And even I wasn't quite that subversive.
Every now and then, I have a talk with a girl in one of my classes, because she has written (or allowed someone else to write), "property of [cute-boy]" on her arm in pen. This strikes adults in the school community as wrong on so many levels - writing on a human being as subjugation, people as property, nature of high school romance....
But is it really so different than attaching yourself to your husband so you become Mr. & Mrs. His-Name? I've heard all the pseudo-logical reasons for doing so - that there has to be some convention, that hyphenation ad infinitum wouldn't fit in the address book, that it's TRADITION, that the kids should match both parents. None of these is really a compelling reason.
Nine years into my marriage, my beloved paternal grandfather passed away, leaving relatively few bearers of his name in my generation. As a family, my husband, sons, and I went down to Town Hall and officially added back my maiden name into all of our own. It was remarkable, by the way, what a big mishegas it was to add the name back in, when it had been a matter of just saying so, to lose it in the first place. (I understand this is legally not the case in Quebec.)
"Personal choice" is so often driven by cultural, sometimes unsavory influences. In contemplating modern nudity, it behooves me also to mention in this vein what is euphemistically, perhaps in metonymy, referred to as "bikini waxing". The modern thing for women between puberty and age 35 or so - is to have all of their public hair professionally removed.
Leaving aside for a moment that this infantilizes, impoverishes, and sometimes infects women, let's explore the "choice" to do so. Women who wax off all of their pubic hair invariably claim that they "like it," and that it makes them feel "clean".
But it's interesting that the style change came about right at the time that internet pornography skyrocketed in popularity (and I fully recognize that other people have seen this connection ahead of my blog). My interest in the topic is how women have internalized our CPO to the extent that they convince even themselves that such a choice came about innocently enough from their own hearts and minds. After all, women who don't wax also manage to feel "clean" in the vulva [and research seems to indicate that in fact they are cleaner, as the pubic hair has a salutary effect, as opposed to, say, underarm hair where there's nothing underneath to "protect"].
Another example of alleged free choice is of course in toys and clothing for children. Parents of young girls often exclaim that their preschoolers just spontaneously entered a princess-loving stage. And perhaps they did. Or more likely, the multi-billion-dollar marketing industry found yet another customer. Meanwhile, young boys who spontaneously like pink sparkles are usually discouraged, or rather redirected to a different "free choice". The mechitza in Toys-R-Us is stricter than in some synagogues!
According to behavioral economist Dr. Dan Ariely, in his latest book about dishonesty, we all have a vital interest in fooling ourselves much of the time. I suppose it makes sense that we would have evolved to conform first, ask questions later (if at all), using our powerful intellect to justify our choices after the fact.
me: Are you keeping your name?
sweet counselor: No.
me: Are you keeping your first name?
[laughter]
We started talking about this issue, and she gave me full permission to blog about it, I promise :).
Now, I changed my name when we got married back in 1994, and so did most of my female friends. We took our new husbands' last names, and it seemed both romantic and reasonable to do so. It was our "choice". Of course, choice constrained by the CPO is hardly free choice. When every school, office, telephone book, etc. expects a family unit to share a last name, it becomes a subversive choice to resist. And even I wasn't quite that subversive.
Every now and then, I have a talk with a girl in one of my classes, because she has written (or allowed someone else to write), "property of [cute-boy]" on her arm in pen. This strikes adults in the school community as wrong on so many levels - writing on a human being as subjugation, people as property, nature of high school romance....
But is it really so different than attaching yourself to your husband so you become Mr. & Mrs. His-Name? I've heard all the pseudo-logical reasons for doing so - that there has to be some convention, that hyphenation ad infinitum wouldn't fit in the address book, that it's TRADITION, that the kids should match both parents. None of these is really a compelling reason.
Nine years into my marriage, my beloved paternal grandfather passed away, leaving relatively few bearers of his name in my generation. As a family, my husband, sons, and I went down to Town Hall and officially added back my maiden name into all of our own. It was remarkable, by the way, what a big mishegas it was to add the name back in, when it had been a matter of just saying so, to lose it in the first place. (I understand this is legally not the case in Quebec.)
"Personal choice" is so often driven by cultural, sometimes unsavory influences. In contemplating modern nudity, it behooves me also to mention in this vein what is euphemistically, perhaps in metonymy, referred to as "bikini waxing". The modern thing for women between puberty and age 35 or so - is to have all of their public hair professionally removed.
Leaving aside for a moment that this infantilizes, impoverishes, and sometimes infects women, let's explore the "choice" to do so. Women who wax off all of their pubic hair invariably claim that they "like it," and that it makes them feel "clean".
But it's interesting that the style change came about right at the time that internet pornography skyrocketed in popularity (and I fully recognize that other people have seen this connection ahead of my blog). My interest in the topic is how women have internalized our CPO to the extent that they convince even themselves that such a choice came about innocently enough from their own hearts and minds. After all, women who don't wax also manage to feel "clean" in the vulva [and research seems to indicate that in fact they are cleaner, as the pubic hair has a salutary effect, as opposed to, say, underarm hair where there's nothing underneath to "protect"].
Another example of alleged free choice is of course in toys and clothing for children. Parents of young girls often exclaim that their preschoolers just spontaneously entered a princess-loving stage. And perhaps they did. Or more likely, the multi-billion-dollar marketing industry found yet another customer. Meanwhile, young boys who spontaneously like pink sparkles are usually discouraged, or rather redirected to a different "free choice". The mechitza in Toys-R-Us is stricter than in some synagogues!
According to behavioral economist Dr. Dan Ariely, in his latest book about dishonesty, we all have a vital interest in fooling ourselves much of the time. I suppose it makes sense that we would have evolved to conform first, ask questions later (if at all), using our powerful intellect to justify our choices after the fact.
71:10 on Hold
Seventy-one minutes talking to, and being placed on hold by, Bank of America, is a special kind of hell. Guess who hasn't gotten her "overnighted" escrow refund? It has been a full week.
The usual run-around ensued on the phone with BofA, including a guy telling me, "well, 'overnight' doesn't mean overnight". I actually said to him, "What is this, Bill Clinton?" (I actually like President Clinton. I was banking on the rep's southern accent indicating that he wouldn't like to be compared in the weasel-words sense. I was right, because he started working on escalating my claim and being nicer to me.)
It turns out that, surprise surprise, BofA didn't really send out my money. Or at least, "well, we don't have a tracking number actually". Who doesn't have a tracking number for overnight deliveries in 2012? That's preposterous.
me: What would you do, if it was your money?
BofA guy: I'd wait for it to come.
me: You'd wait indefinitely?
BofA guy: Well, it hasn't been indefinitely yet.
So I'm still waiting. But hey, it hasn't been indefinitely yet. And maybe 'indefinitely' won't mean indefinitely.
The usual run-around ensued on the phone with BofA, including a guy telling me, "well, 'overnight' doesn't mean overnight". I actually said to him, "What is this, Bill Clinton?" (I actually like President Clinton. I was banking on the rep's southern accent indicating that he wouldn't like to be compared in the weasel-words sense. I was right, because he started working on escalating my claim and being nicer to me.)
It turns out that, surprise surprise, BofA didn't really send out my money. Or at least, "well, we don't have a tracking number actually". Who doesn't have a tracking number for overnight deliveries in 2012? That's preposterous.
me: What would you do, if it was your money?
BofA guy: I'd wait for it to come.
me: You'd wait indefinitely?
BofA guy: Well, it hasn't been indefinitely yet.
So I'm still waiting. But hey, it hasn't been indefinitely yet. And maybe 'indefinitely' won't mean indefinitely.
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Where's Grover?
Fat Blue, a Sesame Street "anything" muppet, repeatedly returns to the diner where Grover works, in spite of dismal service and low-quality food.
Oh Fat Blue, you and I feel just the same way: "why do I keep coming to this place?" My family keeps kosher, so we are even worse off in Boston than Fat Blue is on Sesame Street.
Sure, Milk Street Cafe is acceptable for food and service, but it costs a fortune, has no parking, and is only open on weekdays and never for dinner. Rubin's Kosher Deli is also acceptable for food and service, but is kind of dingy. All the same, it ends up being our usual choice, particularly because they are great about accommodating allergies.
If you would like to try Rami's in Brookline, you can get a side of Israeli attitude with the [admittedly tasty] food:
Me: "Would you consider expanding your hours?"
Rami: "What, I should come to work so you can go out to dinner?"
[well, you are a restaurant...so...yes?]
Or the time I bought the Rami's groupon and got to the register, gave it to the guy:
"Vat eez dees?"
"Ok...you have sold over a thousand of these, in two batches; I can't be the first person to use one."
And the time I asked the guy to please change his gloves after handling raw meat, before putting my falafel sandwich together, and he said, "these gloves aren't free, you know". Oh, and for almost two decades, Rami's refused to take credit cards, though I have heard that they now do.
In the mood for pizza? Cafe Eilat is available, if you like your dining experience to be modeled on the ambience of a cheap gas station. We asked for water one time, and were given a stack of plastic cups and a key to the bathroom attached to a well-used dowel rod.
But by far the worst dining experience can be had at Ta'am China. After one too many disgustingly (*) crowded meals at their Brookline location, we've tried instead to go to their Newton branch. In this episode, Gedalya had a birthday party at the "Plaster Fun Time" on Needham Street, just a few blocks away. Since Gedalya can't eat at Ta'am China due to his food allergies, we thought it would be a nice opportunity to stop in for a quiet lunch for the other boys and me.
Indeed, we were the only patrons in the entire two-floor restaurant. However, the hostess left us standing at the front for several minutes, and then started to show us (party of three) to the smallest table, right by the cash register. I started to walk to a better table, and she said, "NO! This one." I asked her nicely, "May we please sit at a slightly larger table?" and she sighed and allowed it. Just to make sure I wouldn't get uppity, she quickly snatched the fourth napkin and glass from the "larger" table. I asked, "May we please keep that in case we need it?" "No, you are only three." Ok then.
We ordered relatively quickly: small soup for each of us, order of vegetable dumplings, order of tofu, order of vegetable lo mein, order of sesame chicken. The food came on time, and was tasty. Now, I knew I would need the fourth cup to share some soup with Ezra, but "No, you are only three!" so I had to take one from a neighboring table. The same thing happened with napkins. The waitress even tried to take away our appetizer plates before we ordered, and I said, "but we are going to order dumplings" so she capitulated. Needless to say, they did that icky thing of, when taking appetizer plates after eating, tilting the plate so that the used cutlery plops down onto the dinner plate or table-cloth. Don't even think about getting another fork or knife!
I'm not sure why they set all the tables ahead of time if they're going to be taking back settings. Not to mention the dubious hygiene - I clearly saw her take tableware from our table where we were eating, and put it in the pile to redistribute to new customers later. Our final bill was almost $60, by the way, which was evidently not enough to cover a second fork's dish-washing. For $20 per person, can't I do better?
Sometimes I get the opportunity to go to a nonkosher restaurant - like having kosher ice cream at Friendly's, or accompanying friends or colleagues to a normal place. I am always overjoyed at the simplest things, like waitstaff that seems to care about the customers, or a bill that isn't the size of a mortgage. I don't understand how Boston can't support a decent kosher place to eat. We support a dozen Jewish day schools, after all! But I suppose that can be a twisted point of pride; when I lived near Los Angeles, there were probably close to a hundred kosher restaurants in the greater area, but only a handful of Jewish schools.
(*) Not only do they rush you, and have the diners waiting for a table line up right behind your chairs, but they also use part of the front dining area for raw meat preparation on occasion. We joke in our family, when someone takes a dish to the dishwasher that someone else is still using: did you learn that in Ta'am China?
Oh Fat Blue, you and I feel just the same way: "why do I keep coming to this place?" My family keeps kosher, so we are even worse off in Boston than Fat Blue is on Sesame Street.
Sure, Milk Street Cafe is acceptable for food and service, but it costs a fortune, has no parking, and is only open on weekdays and never for dinner. Rubin's Kosher Deli is also acceptable for food and service, but is kind of dingy. All the same, it ends up being our usual choice, particularly because they are great about accommodating allergies.
If you would like to try Rami's in Brookline, you can get a side of Israeli attitude with the [admittedly tasty] food:
Me: "Would you consider expanding your hours?"
Rami: "What, I should come to work so you can go out to dinner?"
[well, you are a restaurant...so...yes?]
Or the time I bought the Rami's groupon and got to the register, gave it to the guy:
"Vat eez dees?"
"Ok...you have sold over a thousand of these, in two batches; I can't be the first person to use one."
And the time I asked the guy to please change his gloves after handling raw meat, before putting my falafel sandwich together, and he said, "these gloves aren't free, you know". Oh, and for almost two decades, Rami's refused to take credit cards, though I have heard that they now do.
In the mood for pizza? Cafe Eilat is available, if you like your dining experience to be modeled on the ambience of a cheap gas station. We asked for water one time, and were given a stack of plastic cups and a key to the bathroom attached to a well-used dowel rod.
But by far the worst dining experience can be had at Ta'am China. After one too many disgustingly (*) crowded meals at their Brookline location, we've tried instead to go to their Newton branch. In this episode, Gedalya had a birthday party at the "Plaster Fun Time" on Needham Street, just a few blocks away. Since Gedalya can't eat at Ta'am China due to his food allergies, we thought it would be a nice opportunity to stop in for a quiet lunch for the other boys and me.
Indeed, we were the only patrons in the entire two-floor restaurant. However, the hostess left us standing at the front for several minutes, and then started to show us (party of three) to the smallest table, right by the cash register. I started to walk to a better table, and she said, "NO! This one." I asked her nicely, "May we please sit at a slightly larger table?" and she sighed and allowed it. Just to make sure I wouldn't get uppity, she quickly snatched the fourth napkin and glass from the "larger" table. I asked, "May we please keep that in case we need it?" "No, you are only three." Ok then.
We ordered relatively quickly: small soup for each of us, order of vegetable dumplings, order of tofu, order of vegetable lo mein, order of sesame chicken. The food came on time, and was tasty. Now, I knew I would need the fourth cup to share some soup with Ezra, but "No, you are only three!" so I had to take one from a neighboring table. The same thing happened with napkins. The waitress even tried to take away our appetizer plates before we ordered, and I said, "but we are going to order dumplings" so she capitulated. Needless to say, they did that icky thing of, when taking appetizer plates after eating, tilting the plate so that the used cutlery plops down onto the dinner plate or table-cloth. Don't even think about getting another fork or knife!
I'm not sure why they set all the tables ahead of time if they're going to be taking back settings. Not to mention the dubious hygiene - I clearly saw her take tableware from our table where we were eating, and put it in the pile to redistribute to new customers later. Our final bill was almost $60, by the way, which was evidently not enough to cover a second fork's dish-washing. For $20 per person, can't I do better?
Sometimes I get the opportunity to go to a nonkosher restaurant - like having kosher ice cream at Friendly's, or accompanying friends or colleagues to a normal place. I am always overjoyed at the simplest things, like waitstaff that seems to care about the customers, or a bill that isn't the size of a mortgage. I don't understand how Boston can't support a decent kosher place to eat. We support a dozen Jewish day schools, after all! But I suppose that can be a twisted point of pride; when I lived near Los Angeles, there were probably close to a hundred kosher restaurants in the greater area, but only a handful of Jewish schools.
(*) Not only do they rush you, and have the diners waiting for a table line up right behind your chairs, but they also use part of the front dining area for raw meat preparation on occasion. We joke in our family, when someone takes a dish to the dishwasher that someone else is still using: did you learn that in Ta'am China?
Friday, July 20, 2012
It's My Money And I'll Cry If I Want To
One of the many disreputable, hypocritical things that Bank of America does - is to make customers wait for their own money.
About three weeks ago, we refinanced our house to get a lower interest rate. Our last few refinances have followed the same pattern: BofA acquires our loan early in the term from our little bank; rates go down and I call to see if they will lower the rate; they refuse; we refinance with our little bank again; BofA buys our loan, taking on our new lower rate and presumably paying a few thousand dollars for what would have been theirs for free if they had listened to me in the first place.
The mortgage was paid off to BofA on July 11th. As of today (July 20th), they had not sent our refund check for the excess balance. We were supposed to get both the escrow overage and the refund of excess interest paid by us at around $50 per day - they collect it at the close "just in case the payoff comes late".
This whole "just in case" thing is a bit of a rip-off. First of all, in today's world of automatic funds transfers, money moves instantly. In 1965, sure, a postal mail delay might have meant that the bank would be waiting three or four days for the check to arrive (though I suspect that even then, couriers solved this problem). So what the extra money (from the customer, of course) does, is simply to supply more income to the bank, while letting them take their time marking the account closed and paying off any overages. Of course, the bank continues to earn more interest on the money all the while. And by the way, if the payoff did get recorded late, it wouldn't be my fault in the first place, so again - why do I have to pay the extra? Because BofA holds all the cards in this, and every, transaction in which they participate.
The way the whole thing works is that any penny BofA owns, is working for them; that's the business of any bank. But it's not enough for any banking behemoth to use money they actually own - they've arranged the whole system so they can also leverage money they're just holding, even if they owe it to someone else. In a sense, that's also the way banking works for everyone. You put your money in a savings account, and the bank invests it and gives you some of the profits, as interest.
But BofA steps over the morality line by stealing a few extra days, or weeks, holding money that it owes to someone else, after that money has been requested as due. It would be like going into your branch bank and trying to make a withdrawal, but the bank makes you wait a few hours so they can squeeze out one last little bit of interest - which they will not be sharing with you.
In our case, there was an overage of about $1300 including the escrow balance, not a trivial amount. I remember from last time we did this, that you can write them ahead of time to ask them for the escrow money at closing, but they charge you for the privilege, so we did not do so.
I called the bank and enjoyed a tedious chat with a computer who warned me, "it looks like you want to speak with a representative, but sometimes there are long waits. Perhaps you would like to hear our list of logo colors we considered and dismissed, instead". I read somewhere that the voice-activated computer can tell when you get really fed up, so I've started saying "operator" as loudly and angrily as I can muster whenever I get one of these automated voices. So far, so good. Wait time for a human after embarrassing myself by yelling at a machine: thirty seconds.
I then spoke with a representative, who cheerfully told me that it's their "policy" to wait at least ten to fourteen business days to release funds and issue checks. I asked how BofA would feel if a customer had a "policy" to do that with the bank's money, but I don't think she understood the question. I calmed down and asked for the department that could help with my problem of getting my overage money back.
I was transferred to the "payout" department, and spoke to someone named Katie. She repeated their corporate policy of keeping people's money as long as they can, until one minute before they would be beaten by a mob of crazy customers with pitchforks.
Me: I realize it's not you personally, but do you see how it is unfair that if I had the bank's money, they would be charging me $50 per day in interest, but they just hold onto my money and set whatever policy they want, while using my money to make even more money?
Katie: I totally get your side of the situation. If you do a refinance, and you know you're getting money back, you're like, "let's party!" and maybe you need that money back for something and you just can't wait.
Me [smoldering]: Actually, that's not what I said at all. It doesn't matter whether I need or want the money; it is my money. How would you feel if I went to a lawyer and charged the bank interest for every day that I haven't received it?
Katie: Well, we comply with all of the requirements and we have up to thirty days to return the money, so that wouldn't be successful...ok, let me ask for authorization to send the money to you right away. We will overnight it, and you should get it by the middle of next week.
Overnight...to the middle of next week. Maybe they can use the time-travel delivery system in Clearwater to get my stuff to me faster.
So let me get this straight - BofA collects hefty fees just in case the money that is enclosed with the paperwork, wirelessly, is not counted quickly enough - but then sits on my money for "up to thirty days" with no interest whatsoever to me.
This spring, I was asked to sit on a Consumer Market Research Panel about BofA and its potential relationship with teachers. They asked all kinds of questions about what products we would like, and which credit cards we might be interested in getting. Every teacher in the room said a version of: We are open to new offers, but Bank of America has a really terrible reputation which would dissuade us, so no thank you.
On the way out of the room, I must have convinced at least four of my fellow teachers to give DiscoverCard a try instead. The market research people might not invite me back.
About three weeks ago, we refinanced our house to get a lower interest rate. Our last few refinances have followed the same pattern: BofA acquires our loan early in the term from our little bank; rates go down and I call to see if they will lower the rate; they refuse; we refinance with our little bank again; BofA buys our loan, taking on our new lower rate and presumably paying a few thousand dollars for what would have been theirs for free if they had listened to me in the first place.
The mortgage was paid off to BofA on July 11th. As of today (July 20th), they had not sent our refund check for the excess balance. We were supposed to get both the escrow overage and the refund of excess interest paid by us at around $50 per day - they collect it at the close "just in case the payoff comes late".
This whole "just in case" thing is a bit of a rip-off. First of all, in today's world of automatic funds transfers, money moves instantly. In 1965, sure, a postal mail delay might have meant that the bank would be waiting three or four days for the check to arrive (though I suspect that even then, couriers solved this problem). So what the extra money (from the customer, of course) does, is simply to supply more income to the bank, while letting them take their time marking the account closed and paying off any overages. Of course, the bank continues to earn more interest on the money all the while. And by the way, if the payoff did get recorded late, it wouldn't be my fault in the first place, so again - why do I have to pay the extra? Because BofA holds all the cards in this, and every, transaction in which they participate.
The way the whole thing works is that any penny BofA owns, is working for them; that's the business of any bank. But it's not enough for any banking behemoth to use money they actually own - they've arranged the whole system so they can also leverage money they're just holding, even if they owe it to someone else. In a sense, that's also the way banking works for everyone. You put your money in a savings account, and the bank invests it and gives you some of the profits, as interest.
But BofA steps over the morality line by stealing a few extra days, or weeks, holding money that it owes to someone else, after that money has been requested as due. It would be like going into your branch bank and trying to make a withdrawal, but the bank makes you wait a few hours so they can squeeze out one last little bit of interest - which they will not be sharing with you.
In our case, there was an overage of about $1300 including the escrow balance, not a trivial amount. I remember from last time we did this, that you can write them ahead of time to ask them for the escrow money at closing, but they charge you for the privilege, so we did not do so.
I called the bank and enjoyed a tedious chat with a computer who warned me, "it looks like you want to speak with a representative, but sometimes there are long waits. Perhaps you would like to hear our list of logo colors we considered and dismissed, instead". I read somewhere that the voice-activated computer can tell when you get really fed up, so I've started saying "operator" as loudly and angrily as I can muster whenever I get one of these automated voices. So far, so good. Wait time for a human after embarrassing myself by yelling at a machine: thirty seconds.
I then spoke with a representative, who cheerfully told me that it's their "policy" to wait at least ten to fourteen business days to release funds and issue checks. I asked how BofA would feel if a customer had a "policy" to do that with the bank's money, but I don't think she understood the question. I calmed down and asked for the department that could help with my problem of getting my overage money back.
I was transferred to the "payout" department, and spoke to someone named Katie. She repeated their corporate policy of keeping people's money as long as they can, until one minute before they would be beaten by a mob of crazy customers with pitchforks.
Me: I realize it's not you personally, but do you see how it is unfair that if I had the bank's money, they would be charging me $50 per day in interest, but they just hold onto my money and set whatever policy they want, while using my money to make even more money?
Katie: I totally get your side of the situation. If you do a refinance, and you know you're getting money back, you're like, "let's party!" and maybe you need that money back for something and you just can't wait.
Me [smoldering]: Actually, that's not what I said at all. It doesn't matter whether I need or want the money; it is my money. How would you feel if I went to a lawyer and charged the bank interest for every day that I haven't received it?
Katie: Well, we comply with all of the requirements and we have up to thirty days to return the money, so that wouldn't be successful...ok, let me ask for authorization to send the money to you right away. We will overnight it, and you should get it by the middle of next week.
Overnight...to the middle of next week. Maybe they can use the time-travel delivery system in Clearwater to get my stuff to me faster.
So let me get this straight - BofA collects hefty fees just in case the money that is enclosed with the paperwork, wirelessly, is not counted quickly enough - but then sits on my money for "up to thirty days" with no interest whatsoever to me.
This spring, I was asked to sit on a Consumer Market Research Panel about BofA and its potential relationship with teachers. They asked all kinds of questions about what products we would like, and which credit cards we might be interested in getting. Every teacher in the room said a version of: We are open to new offers, but Bank of America has a really terrible reputation which would dissuade us, so no thank you.
On the way out of the room, I must have convinced at least four of my fellow teachers to give DiscoverCard a try instead. The market research people might not invite me back.
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